What's Wrong with Jimi Hendrix?
Scene: Present day, on a train like Amtrak from Washington DC to New York. KATJIA is sitting. Her tray table is out and she is working on it, something intense with paper and pencil. The train is getting full.
TRENT
Mind if I sit here?
KATJIA
(mumbles) Sure.
(TRENT has a guitar and a knapsack. He puts them in the overhead compartment and sits down. He is humming a non-descript tune to himself.)
(KATJIA is pretty, if, perhaps, a bit too severe looking: new jeans, T-Shirt with art/political slogan on it ["Sell your art, sell your soul"], extremely short hair, glasses, no makeup, perpetual frown, etc.)
(TRENT is pretty, if, perhaps, a bit too casual: stringy hair, tattoos, nose ring, leather jacket, etc.)
(KATJIA is working on something on the tray, writing and erasing.)
(TRENT looks over her shoulder at what she's doing.)
TRENT
That's impossible to play.
KATJIA
What?
TRENT
No one can play that, can't be done.
KATJIA
Who asked you?
TRENT
OK. (under his breath) Hope your guitarist has 7 fingers...
(he goes back to humming. She goes back to working)
KATJIA
(struggling with what she's working on, gradually his words have an effect on her.)
OK, why not?
TRENT
(teasing her) Why not what?
KATJIA
(sighs) Why can't this be played?
TRENT
Look at this (points to her music) you want to play these notes at the same time, right? (he plays them on air guitar and we hear them, one after the other) Well, the only way they can do that is high on the D and G strings, but then you would need to reach back (demonstrates on his air guitar - and we hear it too) with a finger that doesn't exist. See?
KATJIA
(listening, but disgusted all the same) Uh huh. So, you can play the guitar?
TRENT
(boastfully) Better than Jimi!
KATJIA
(blankly) Jimi?
TRENT
You know, Jimi.
KATJIA
(still blank)
TRENT
Jimi James? Purple Haze? The Star Spangled Banner?
KATJIA
Wait a minute, didn't Francis Scott Key write the Star Spangled Banner?
TRENT
Hendrix! Jimi Hendrix! (plays some Hendrix on air-guitar, which the audience hears as if it were actually Hendrix playing)
KATJIA
James Endrick?
TRENT
(aghast) You don't know who (emphasizes correct name) Jimi Hendrix, with an 'x', is?
KATJIA
Ummmmm. Oh wait. I think I remember my Dad forcing me to listen to it once.
TRENT
(rolls his eyes)
(they sit awkwardly for a moment or two)
TRENT
Oh, and I should point out... is this for electric guitar?
KATJIA
Yeah.
TRENT
Well, remember that most electric guitarists use picks, right? And so this (points) this, and this are impossible because those chords would require skipping a string in the middle. (demonstrates with a pick on his air guitar, and we hear how awkward it sounds)
KATJIA
(gritting her teeth) God I hate electric guitar!
TRENT
Well then, why are you writing for it?
KATJIA
Oh, it's my stupid composition teacher, Steve Mackey, you know him?
TRENT
(shrugs his shoulders, no)
KATJIA
Whatever. He's got this thing about electric guitar, it's so stupid. I mean, I don't think that any teacher should be forcing us to write anything that we don't want to. This kind of doctrinaire, top-down, Nazi-dictator teaching style has no place in a free society! I mean, sound world is so important, right? I've been spending all my time trying to make the stupid electric guitar not sound like an electric guitar.
TRENT
Well, I think you've almost got it.
KATJIA
(missing his joke) Thanks. It hasn't been without effort, I can tell you.
TRENT
What's so wrong with the electric guitar?
KATJIA
It's not the electric guitar per se, it's the emptiness and vacuousness of all commercial music. You know? I happen to believe that life is more than simple entertainment -- people should be doing more with their lives than killing time while waiting to die.
TRENT
Oh, and you know music which does that?
KATJIA
Absolutely. Pick anyone. Like Carter, Babbitt, Stockhausen. Or even Stravinsky.
TRENT
Stav-in....?
KATJIA
You mean, you've never heard of Stravinsky?
TRENT
Is he... Polish?
KATJIA
No, Russian! Jeez, I can't believe this.
TRENT
Really? Russian? That's cool.
KATJIA
How can call yourself a musician and not know Stravinsky?
TRENT
Uhhh.... (TRENT just shrugs his shoulders)
(another awkward silence)
TRENT
I just got back from a concert in Russia.
KATJIA
(doesn't believe him) Sure you did. What music did you play?
TRENT
Oh, ahhhh... it was just a gig.
KATJIA
Come on, tell me. Was it Celine Dion? Britney Spears?
TRENT
(winces) No. Worse.
KATJIA
Well, now you have to tell me.
TRENT
Okay fine. It was Clay Aiken.
KATJIA
Hah! I thought it was something pathetic like that.
TRENT
(defensively) I was only there because his lead guitarist came down with appendicitis.
KATJIA
No, no, tell me the truth. Don't you just love his dreamy voice? Don't you just love being a Claaaymate?
TRENT
Oh god. Listen, some of us have to make a living, okay?
KATJIA
No, you listen! Music is an art. It's not about making a living. As soon as it is, it no longer has meaning.
KATJIA
Some of us don't have rich parents paying our way through school.
KATJIA
(becoming testy) Who said I had a rich Dad paying my way through school?
TRENT
You must. That's the only way you could afford to cop such an attitude about my job. Listen. Whatever. I'll find someplace else to sit. (Gets up to leave)
KATJIA
Please. Don't go. I can be a real bitch sometimes, I know. It's me. Hey, I'm sorry. Will you accept my apology?
TRENT
I don't think so.
KATJIA
Listen, the train's full. You'd probably have to stand up in the Café car for the rest of the trip. I know I can get intense about music sometime. Believe me, I can't tell you how many times my ex said that about me. But that's just who I am. Is it so bad? So sit. I'll be quiet and work on my assignment.
TRENT
Okay. (sits back down) You know, it's not like I wouldn't love to play for Bjork or somebody.
KATJIA
Who wouldn't? She's fantastic.
TRENT
Wait a minute. You know about Bjork but you don't know Hendrix?
KATJIA
(a flash of anger) Leave me alone about fucking Hendrix, okay? (settles down a bit) Sorry. Listen, I better work on this. It's due tomorrow.
TRENT
Sorry, sure.
(pauses for a second)
If you need any help with the guitar, really, I'd be happy to help. You know, if you'd actually put your hands on a guitar... I could give you a quick lesson.
KATJIA
No thanks. (goes back to working)
TRENT
I mean, I have my guitar right up there. (points to the overhead compartment) I could show you how to finger the chords and everything.
KATJIA
(ignores him)
TRENT
(sits back. Then, after a long pause) I got kicked out of the Peabody Conservatory.
KATJIA
What?
TRENT
The Peabody Conservatory... in Baltimore? I was there studying classical guitar.
KATJIA
Hold on. You went to a music conservatory, and you don't know who Stravinsky is?
TRENT
Alright, fine. I love Stravinsky. Happy?
KATJIA
You lied to me?
TRENT
Well, I didn't actually say I didn't know him... I just asked if he was Polish.
KATJIA
(rolls her eyes) So, what'd you do to get kicked out?
TRENT
Well, I was studying with Manuel Barreco?
KATJIA
(impressed) Really?
TRENT
Yeah, really. So, he forbade me from playing electric, okay? Because he said it would ruin my technique for classical. Fine. Then one day he saw my band playing in a local bar. Of course I was playing electric guitar, and so he got my butt kicked out of school.
KATJIA
Woah, harsh. I didn't think teachers like that still existed.
TRENT
They import them from Europe.
KATJIA
Tell me about it.
TRENT
Was my Dad ever pissed. Eighty thousand dollars, down the drain.
KATJIA
Dads can be real assholes.
TRENT
Well, it's not like he didn't have reason.
KATJIA
So, you know all about Stravinsky after all.
TRENT
Yeah. Hey! Before I got kicked out, my friends in the guitar studio and I made a fun tape. Want to hear it?
KATJIA
What is it?
TRENT
(pulls out his iPod and hands her a pair of headphones) Here, just listen.
KATJIA
Uh... okay.
(KATJIA and the audience both hear Mark Lackey's "Rock Rite" - the Rite of Spring orchestrated with electric guitars and synthesizers)
KATJIA
Cool! I mean... wow, that's fantastic. Holy cow....
TRENT
Yeah, Stravinsky totally rocks. We were going to do the whole thing... but...
KATJIA
But you got kicked out?
TRENT
Right. Oh well. Hey, want to listen to some Hendrix? (dials up his iPod) I have some right here...
KATJIA
(takes off the headphones) No.
TRENT
What is your problem?
KATJIA
Just let it go, okay?
TRENT
Okay.
KATJIA
But hey, just give me a moment (writes on her music for a couple of seconds), because I'm done. Want to try playing it?
TRENT
Sure! (pulls down his guitar case and pulls out his guitar) Let's see.... Wow... you really like mixed meters. You know, you could just write the whole thing in four-four....
KATJIA
Can't handle it?
TRENT
Hey, I'm a Peabody drop-out. Just like Philip Glass and Tori Amos. (plays a few notes) Okay. Here goes. (launches into a highly complex, fast, jarring composition - initially we hear it on an unplugged electric guitar)
KATJIA
Stop!
TRENT
What?
KATJIA
I changed my mind. (leans over and scribbles something on the music) There. Take it twice as slow.
TRENT
You sure? I can do it up to tempo.
KATJIA
Yes, I'm sure.
TRENT
Okay. (plays the music. At the slower tempo it is much more ballad like. Initially, the guitar sounds unplugged, but as the magic space around them intensifies, the amplified sound fades in. As he gets more comfortable with the piece, TRENT begins to add in some of his own improvisations, bent notes, etc. In fact, it sounds pretty good.)
TRENT
Wow. That's actually...
KATJIA
Yeah?
TRENT
It's great. Thanks for letting me play it.
KATJIA
I'm astonished that you could sight-read it.
TRENT
I'm as good as Jimi.
KATJIA
Yeah, you told me.
TRENT
And look, (pointing to her music) some of this actually reminds me of his music. Like this lick (plays it and we hear it), and this one.
KATJIA
HENDRIX, HENDRIX! FUCKING HENDRIX! Get off my fucking back about Hendrix! You're just like my fucking father! Always going on and on about rock music.
TRENT
Hey, I was giving you a compliment. Sorry.
KATJIA
Shit. There I go again. Why can't I just deal?
(awkward silence)
OVERHEAD ANNOUNCER
Next stop, New York, Penn Station. Three minutes. New York, Penn Station, next stop.
TRENT
Well... end of the line. (puts his guitar away)
KATJIA
(looks at TRENT, then) I'm a bastard.
TRENT
That's a bit harsh.
KATJIA
No, I mean, really. I'm a bastard. As in, my father was not married to my mother when they had me.
TRENT
Hey, this is none of my business...
KATJIA
My Dad kept trying to get me interested in rock music, okay? It's like, that was all that there was in life. I mean, Jesus Christ.
TRENT
Yeah, all parents are like that. Mine was like, "Hey, why can't you sing like Frank Sinatra?"
KATJIA
Will you shut up and let me talk? I'm trying to explain here. My father wasn't like other fathers. (struggles to find the right words to explain)
TRENT
Oh, god.... he didn't beat you or anything?
KATJIA
No, no. Nothing like that.
TRENT
Deadbeat Dad?
KATJIA
No. Or, at least, not in the way that you're referring to.
TRENT
Then.... ?
KATJIA
(sighs) He's Ozzy Osborne.
TRENT
Oh. Ohhh. (looks at her shirt) Ohhhhhh... Oh my god. I'm so sorry.
KATJIA
Yes, thank you. At least you understand. It's like he used to mean something, you know? It's like his art had a message, it had power, it moved people, you know? And now what is it?!? It's a fucking joke, that's what. Now, he's on TV with his perfect FUCKING family. His REAL family. It's a mockery, his fans, his band, everyone who ever believed in him... well screw them! I guess it's okay, as long as I can make a buck and get more famous, right? Right?? And who gets recorded, huh? Who gets to go on tour, huh? Which daughter gets to live in the mansion and gets to dine with the executives from Sony and Deutche Gramaphone? Did you know he was on VH1 recently?
TRENT
That can't be good.
KATJIA
And you know why he was on VH1? He was on "50 least metal moments"! And do you know where he was on the list? Guess! Guess!
TRENT
Ummm... Thirteen?
KATJIA
One! One! They showed him at a fundraiser for George Bush. God damn it! And there he was, standing up in the middle of oil executives, Halliburton employees, and televangelists, waving his hands, saying "Hey look at me! I don't give a shit about selling out! Sure! Go ahead and use me to get re-elected and kill another 50,000 innocent civilians, fine by me!" (turns away, fuming)
TRENT
Hey listen, I'm so sorry. Honestly, I didn't mean to...
KATJIA
No... It's okay. Really. I mean, at least you understand. My friends at Princeton? They just don't get it. I mean, the lead singer of Black Sabbath shows up at a Republican fundraiser and they just think it's funny. It's like I inhabit this world where no one understands me.
TRENT
(pause) Man, it's times like these I wish I had a time machine.
KATJIA
(confused, frustrated) What?
TRENT
You know, a time machine. So we could go back and show your Dad a video of the VH1 show, you know, to show him where he'd end up.
KATJIA
Hah! Yeah, that'd be great. (seriously considers the possibility) Naah, it'd never work. He was too stoned back then to really understand anything. I think he was operating completely on instinct... actually, that's probably what made his music so great back then.
(they pause for a second)
CONDUCTOR
Station stop, New York, Penn Station. End of the line. Everyone must exit the train. Check around your seats carefully for your belongings and have a nice day.
(TRENT and KATJIA prepare to leave the train)
TRENT
Hey.
KATJIA
Yes?
TRENT
I've got a friend... and, well, he owns a small, experimental label.
KATJIA
And?
TRENT
He's been getting on my back to do something for him, and your piece? Well, it's exactly the kind of thing he's looking for, avant garde solo electric guitar - he'd love it. Could you write more?
KATJIA
I don't know. This stinks of commercialism.
TRENT
Trust me. This guy is so anti-establishment he makes his customers sign a "music manifesto" before they're allowed to buy from him.
KATJIA
Hah, that's great.
TRENT
Yeah. It'd be a great marketing gimmick, if only he weren't so serious about it.
(They stand to leave)
KATJIA
Well, as long as it's guaranteed to be a commercial failure...
TRENT
Oh, absolutely.
KATJIA
(Thinks it over) I'll do it if you'll be my guitarist.
TRENT
(smiles) I'd love to. I honestly think your piece is really great.
KATJIA
Thanks.
TRENT
(as they are walking off stage) Hey, need a place to spend the night?
KATJIA
I was planning on catching the next train to Princeton.
TRENT
But it's so late...
KATJIA
I know. (pause) Well, Okay. As long as you'll help me with the rest of my composition homework.
TRENT
Will you let me teach you how to play guitar?
KATJIA
Deal.
(Blackout)